Monday, May 18, 2009

Evil Triumphs

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke

Last night, I popped in the chat room for the first time in several days to say “Hello” to my friends in there. Within a few minutes, I could tell something was up. Rory aka Typicalman66 was telling people to check out the picture on his profile and people were saying they didn’t understand what was going on. So, I took a look at his profile and to my surprise, he has one of my wedding pictures on there with a comment about escaping the homeless shelter and hitting the jackpot. Basically, he was implying that I married Charlie to get out of a homeless shelter.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, at one point I lived in a women’s shelter to get out of an abusive relationship. No, it was NOT a homeless shelter. There were other facilities for the “homeless”. I could have gone back to him and had a place to live. After he moved back to Oklahoma, I could have gotten back with him and gotten a place to live. I chose to stay in a DVIS facility so I wouldn’t go back to him. We both knew it wasn’t a healthy relationship. (And for the record, I stayed a year in an apartment that I rented from DVIS. I didn’t live in the emergency shelter the entire time.)

I didn’t even move in with him straight from the shelter either. I was living in my own apartment in Tulsa. And after we met and eventually started dating, I stayed in my own place in Tulsa for awhile. We didn’t marry in a hurry like some think. We’d been friends and then a couple for more than a year by the time we made it official. I had a job and was earning a decent wage. I didn’t need someone to take care of me financially.

What I did need was the love and emotional support of another adult. And I found that in Charlie. He made me laugh. I hadn’t laughed in years like I did with him. He made me feel secure, like I would be safe with him and nothing bad would happen to me while we were together.

My children liked him. He was the first man I’d dated since I split with their dad that they liked. They were all smart alecks to each other and actually enjoyed kidding around together. He never took anything personal. Meagan played pranks on him and he took it in stride and played some right back on her. What’s not to love about a man that gets along with your children?

Why is it so hard for people to believe that Charlie and I really do love and care for each other? Sure, we can get on each other’s nerves at times. What married couple doesn’t get frustrated from time to time? But, you don’t see me blogging or chatting about our issues. That’s between the two of us.

I appreciate all the people in the room at the time who said that was wrong for him to make a comment like that about me. I think it’s important that people stand up when someone is being a bully or being mean. When we don’t stand up for what’s right, we’re condoning that bad behavior.

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